EVEN MORE REVIEWS
Critique from McGwire for Angeles
Angeles Poem 3
I really enjoy this poem, the emotions in this poem are strong. I feel dropped in and immersed in the world, I feel everything that the individual in the poem. Despites the fact I have not experienced all the things that the individual, very good for fully immersing me in this poem. The last line is so powerful and so strong, it really hits hard a gut punch to our reality. I honestly feel so close to the speaker of this poem, as it makes, we feel so much for this character/individual. I just want to reach out and hug them and help them anyway I can. The phrase that really gets me into this poem is “The roosters squeal”, as I can hear it when I read it every time.
Rachel Geist's critiques
Poem 2
Stephanie – Hey Stephanie! I have to start
by saying that I really loved your poem, “Safe Place.” Maybe it’s because I’m
studying psych, maybe it’s because of my own experiences in the counseling
chair (counsel-ee, not counsel-or), but I literally was saying out loud “YES!”
while I was reading it. Haha! If you didn’t actually write this piece from
personal experience, I can say that you absolutely nailed how many DO feel,
when in the position of seeking professional help for past trauma.
With
regards your writing, specifically, I really liked the way that you contrasted
the spoken word with the internal thought parts of the narrative by using
italics. That really worked well. You set us up nicely for how the poem would
unfold with those first words, as well, “I
never believed in this kind of thing…”
The sarcastic tone was an absolutely perfect way to portray the
speaker’s disillusionment with the concept of counseling, too, which we feel
strongly throughout. I particularly
loved the way you framed the speaker’s critical assessment of the counselor’s
inauthenticity (in regards to truly caring / being able to connect to the
patient and her / his trauma) “…picking
my brain like they care…you jot that down with a ghost of a smile on your
face, on your clipboard under my diagnosis…you will immortalize me in your
intake form…” Wow…. YES!!! So good, and so real. And how well you have the speaker challenge
the clichés of the counseling world, as well; “this is a safe place…Is it, though?
How safe is what I swore to take to the grave? Will it be cozy in your filing
cabinet?...” Those and the next three
lines were just so powerful. So evocative of the real, penetrating gamut of
emotions that our speaker is feeling.
Anger, fear, disgust….it’s almost tangible. Really well done. And personally, I was shocked by that last
line. I was fully prepared to read that
this young woman / man would leave the chair where so many others had laid out
the sordid details of their lives…to a stranger!...and say, “nope, not
me!” So I was left wondering if, despite
the protest, some part of the speaker DID believe that there was some
redemptive quality to “this kind of thing”…at least to the point that he / she
was willing to give it a try. As most of
us do J
All in
all, a really fantastic poem that I personally really enjoyed. I honestly can’t think of a thing that I
would change. Bravo! Can’t wait to read more of your work!!
Poem 3
Claire – Hi Claire! So, your poem 3, “Dear Winter.” I liked that you made the speaker in the poem
a child, which was really clear almost from the beginning line, but definitely
solidified in the second. As we said in
class, I think that the content of the poem is ultra-relatable, as well,
because even if your reader hasn’t been to a big city like this, we have ALL
been children…AND, we can all relate (in one way or another) to the concepts of
feeling small, being intimidated by places or situations that feel greater than
we are, and being in need of a safe, quiet place away from the madness. I think that some of your language was
especially good at accomplishing this…”I felt myself shrinking…searching for a
sense of security…” and then the myriad of instances that personification
supported the effort as well: “”the cars screamed at us, angrily” and “The wind
stole my hat that grandma knitted and ran away with it,” versus “I felt the
building hug me.” I especially liked the
way that you surprise us in the end, too: “and I giggled as they called this
place vacation.” I fully expected the
dissent of the speaker in renouncing this experience as the ideal vacation—it
was obviously anything BUT that for her— but the giggle really threw me. It was unexpected, and it made me take note
of the irony of the whole line in a way that perhaps I wouldn’t have without
it. Very nice. Overall, a really nostalgic (I loved care
bears!), somewhat bracing, and relatable poem.
One thing that might be interesting to experiment with on this one is
playing with diction…maybe by making it more juvenile, creating a stronger case
for the speaker’s young age (verisimilitude).
Of course, this could very well have been an adult remembering an event
from childhood, but it still might be something fun to play with. I thought it
was a good poem, though, and I really enjoyed reading it. Thanks for sharing!
Quinn C. – Hey Quinn! I’ll start by saying that I really liked your poem 3. It’s truly amazing to me how much you add to your poems when you read them aloud, too. They’re definitely performance pieces! Just had to throw that in there. J Content wise, you did really well at opening up with a good “lyrical contract,” as our text calls it, in the first two lines, You set up expectations that color the way the rest of the poem reads. It’s funny because without that first bit, I would have read the rest of the poem completely differently. I also really liked how you used some contradictory sorts of ideas (defamiliarization in a way) to develop the theme of the piece. “In the home, I worked constantly to get ahead…” and the lines that follow—the idea of this person seeming to try and “make it” in the business world, getting “out there” where no one really knows you yet, wearing white shirts, working to earn that that slippery thing called respect—but using that as a way to frame out this person’s aspirations IN THE HOME… that was super interesting to me. So by halfway through the poem, I’m trying to figure out this story line (I have to admit it…I do that! Haha), but instead of throwing my interpretations out there, I will just say that there was enough ambiguity to keep me guessing but enough clarity to keep me interested and engaged in this person’s “journey.” I loved the way you had the speaker address this ambiguous “you” near the end of the poem, too. You gave this person so much power over the details of the speaker’s personal journey to discovery—all the “little things” that were a part of that meaningful, revelatory experience. It almost feels like a prayer to me…if not to God, perhaps to the person / people that the speaker has realized “really matter” to him / her. At any rate, that was a really good move on your part. I also love the ending…probably because I’m a sucker for optimism. Haha. Overall, this was a witty, well-performed, interesting piece with a lot of employment of the concepts we’ve been going over in class and in our text. The only thing I could think to suggest for improvement is a bit more proof reading for grammar stuff like commas and agreement and such. (Ex “inhibition” in the first line to make it agree with “thing,” no comma after “although” in line 4, etc…) Looking forward to reading more of your stuff Quinn!!
Claire's Reviews
Gabrielle,
This poem was really strong
in the way it portrayed emotion and setting. I liked the title too; it gave a
cute insite to the theme of the poem. I think everyone can connect to the feelings
of wanting to fit in, at least somewhat. My favorite part was the way the hair
and pearls were described, it added to the feelings of brokenness that this
person was feeling both internally and externally. The figurative language and
language really drew me in. The party atmosphere is portrayed in a way that
makes you feel like you’re there listening to the music and seeing all the
people drinking. Even the emotions this character feels in the bathroom are so
understandable. Overall, really strong read!
Poem 3
Quinn N,
I absolutely loved this
poem. It captures the simple ugly yet beautiful things about fall that are
often overlooked. It portrays such a unique vision of something as common as
fall, yet holds such a deeper meaning. The variety of long and short lines
creates a unique yet intriguing way of reading. The way you chose to describe
things is very raw, especially the line, “Dry as death”, like it just stood out
to me so intensely. The overall word choice is so strong, my personal favorites
are “tailcoats”, “doldrums”, and “pyre”. The mood of this is almost kind of
spooky, but changes a little with each line. I’d love to know the story behind
this, because overall, I just found it to be so beautiful.
Elyia,
This poem really stood out to me, it was so unlike all the other poems in class. The theme was unique, as well as the format and story line. This poem was written almost in a paragraph format, which added another level of interest. It was very abstract, almost dreamlike, clearly not something from reality, but extremely open to interpretation. I loved the space theme and the describing words you chose to connect to this idea, even the title “ok, spaceman”. I was definitely hanging on to every word and I loved the craziness of it. I’d really like to know what this is about because it reminded me of a picture book I read growing up. I never knew what the next line had to offer and I think it was overall a really strong poem.
Gabrielle,
This poem was so human, it
captured all of the raw feelings and emotions a person would feel in these
situations of meeting someone’s glance and playing with the fraying of jeans.
The descriptions were spot on and the way it was written using a mixture of long
and short lines added a new layer of interest. I like that I can follow this
storyline of a girl being embarrassed, yet there’s so much that is left a
mystery. This poem seems like a movie about the beginning of a love story about
awkward teenagers, very bittersweet. The mix of drama and landscape created so
much emotion that almost makes you feel like you know the people. Overall, I
found it very cute and I think the feelings it portrays are pretty relatable
for everyone.
Blake,
This poem seems to have the
feel of a futuristic/different dimension. I also noticed you spelled “couch” as
“coach” again, which does change up the meaning. I found the word choice and
shorter lines to be a great choice for this poem. The title was also really
cool! I don’t necessarily 100% understand what is going on in this, but from
what I gathered, it’s a person playing a video game where they’re completing
some sort of mission? I like how open to interpretation it is though, it helps
keep it interesting! The last two lines are really strong and they provide that
content feeling everyone can relate to when the day is done. I’d really like to
know the actual meaning behind this because it reminds me so much of fortnite
when I’m picturing the setting and the mood. Overall, I found this poem very
fun to read and I think you did a strong job with being descriptive, especially
with the figurative language!
Stephanie,
I absolutely loved this
poem, It was the perfect middle ground of intrigue with an understandable
storyline. The title is so beautiful and it fits the poem perfectly. I feel
like this captures all the harsh realities of growing up, yet some of the
bittersweet aspects as well such as the hot coffee. The mood of this isn’t
angry or sad, but just a plain understanding that this is the world now but yet
there’s also a confusion of how it came to this. I liked the line “This is the
beginning of the beginning” because it almost treats the first part of life as
something not included, and it also ties back into the title and the idea of a
“timeline”. I feel like every little kid has an idea of what timeline their
life would have, and this seems to capture every part of that and feeling of
growing up.
Chase,
This poem is very unique,
the tone is very gloomy, especially for a song about a church, but it really
brings out the setting and the way the characters were feeling. I like the song
you chose to highlight because as someone who has heard that song, I think it
connects to the mood you’re portraying very strongly. The uses of metaphors and
similes are very strong and the dialogue is really impactful to the scene where
they’re meeting a family member, possibly their father? I was a little confused
by some aspects of the storyline, but I suppose any good poem is somewhat open
to interpretation. My favorite line was “Men and women took turns giving
testimony about their monsters” because of the use of the word “monsters” and
how impactful it was. The tension you were able to create throughout was so
strong and I give you props for that.
Gabrielle's critiques
Gabrielle Lovisa
Sydney’s Poem, “I Laid Under a Violet Sky”
Sydney,
I really love the simplicity of the poem that you wrote. I feel like it is so eloquently written, and really paints an image in my mind every time I’ve read through it. It honestly takes me back to my childhood days of living in South Bend, taking in the sights and sounds of the rural environment I lived in. With that being said, I love how easy it was for me to relate to this poem - I feel like you perfectly portrayed what an Indiana summer night entails. As far as structure goes, I really liked the route you took in regards to the differing lengths of sentences. It was so nice to read such long, flowing lines that then lead into a simple, short line that kind of pulled everything together. Like I previously mentioned, this was truly beautifully written and I think that’s largely in part of the language that you decided to utilize as well, with words such as “serene” and “tranquil.” All in all, you wrote an amazing poem, per usual, and I really enjoyed reading it.
Angeles’
Poem, “Human”
Angeles,
Wow!
This poem was easily one of my favorites that I’ve read so far. It’s truly
incredible how raw and real this poem is. You portrayed such a heartbreaking
story in such a beautiful way and I commend you for that. When reading through
this, I honestly did not want it to end...I wanted to continue to hear more
about the story because you truly pulled me in and caught my attention from
beginning to end. The poem started out much more light-hearted and as it
continued, I feel like the emotion slowly but surely began to pour out with
such a huge breakthrough shining through at the end. The language you utilized
and the memories shared made me feel as though I was receiving a personal look
into the life of the narrator. Although I cannot personally relate to the story,
it formed this overwhelming sense of empathy within me where I began to imagine
being in this person’s shoes and how awful that must have been. What a
beautiful and emotional poem you wrote...I loved it so much!
Blake’s Poem, “Call to the Void”
Blake,
Your poem is so unique and brings such a cool flavor and personality to the typical, slower, more emotional poems we have read in class. I think my favorite part about it was all of the alliteration you utilized throughout! For me personally, using that element made me excited to continue reading your writing to see what fun sentence would be waiting in the next line! I also really enjoyed how from the beginning of the poem to the middle, there was this build up of intensity that continued to grow until we reached the climax. The poem then ended on a simple, lighter note which I think worked great in terms of keeping the intensity contained in the middle of the poem. Your writing is always so creative and keeps me guessing; continuously being unpredictable is awesome because I always know I’m in for a wild ride when I get to hear/read your writing. Great job!
Rachel’s Poem, “Awakening”
Rachel,
Your
poem is simply beautiful. In my opinion, it perfectly describes the feeling of
waking up to the first snow and all its glory. From beginning to end, you
captured my attention through the elegant language utilized and the lines that
flowed so perfectly into one another. The simplicity of the beginning of the
poem flowing into the innocence of childhood that then ended with a beautiful
depiction of winter turning to spring was marvelous. I always love reading your
poems for their elegance and maturity and this poem in particular definitely
did not disappoint! As far as structure goes, I like how you kept the lines to
a smaller length, while still delivering the perfect amount of language needed
to keep the poem flowing perfectly. Reading this really made me excited for the
winter months that are quickly approaching, and reminded me of the peace and
tranquility that arises as a result of snow. I honestly did not want this poem
to end - you did a wonderful job!
New Reviews by Rachel (On October 25)
Poem 3:
Stephanie – “A Misguided Timeline”
Stephanie,
I have to say that I love this poem so much.
(I intentionally didn’t say much in class so I could say what I wanted
to here, haha.) I feel like so many
adolescent girls could read this poem and go, YES! That’s me!! Even if girls have parents / others loving on them as they grow, but ESPECIALLY
if they don’t, they are an attention-needing pits of hormones at this stage of
life, begging to be filled. You have created such an honest and real picture of
that here. And the way that you did it
was phenomenal. Such believable scenarios to expose the character, full of
detail—like the time and day, extra swirl or caramel, etc—but with such
concision that its ultra-economical. (I struggle
to pull that off sometimes!) You give really telling details for the context of
this particular girl’s process, too—not
only is she in her formative years, but she feels as if she has not received
the touch and love that she deserves, and (looking back, obviously) she
realizes that she did “the very worst” to fill these voids in herself. Again, such straight-forward and economical
use of language to do that. So
effective. You painted a really
convincing portrayal of the disillusionment that arose from giving into causal
sex with the wrong kind of guy, as a means of filling those voids, as well. “… and I
thought to myself, is this what the movies were about?
Is this what the poets wax on for? For a body like a sweaty
sack of new-money to hold his sixth drink tighter than he holds my attention?” WOW….Those were the best lines in the poem
for me. Especially the “poets wax
on” and “sweaty sack of new money”…that was such original and evocative use of
language. Bravo. It’s a sad and surprising sort of progression
that we see in this girl, though. With
the way that you set things up, I fully expected to read that she had learned
something from that first experience—that she would have developed a repulsion
for that kind of encounter. And although
there IS a transition and a sort of maturation going on—from caramel drizzle to
vodka cranberry (what great use of symbolism there)—we still see her falling
into that toxic cycle of relationships… “eyes like an uncharted ocean that’ll
surely drown me.” Again, such a great line. The final line is perhaps the most telling of
all, though. “This is the beginning of
the beginning.” That’s the epiphany of
the entire piece!
Overall,
Stephanie, I feel like this is a skillfully crafted piece of poetry, that tells
the story of how a young woman’s emotional neglect can lead to a lifetime (or
at least a difficult season) of attempting to fill voids in herself with the
wrong kinds of relationships. As a psych major, I just find that such a crucial
topic to address with young women, and the fact that you have done so with such
skill and concision is absolutely applaudible.
Forgive me for the long review—this poem was just too good to say only a
few words about!! Amazing job!!!
Poem 4:
Chase – “Gone North”
Chase,
this poem is so good in so many ways. I
feel like it addresses such a deep, personal, and highly-relatable topic for
those who have experienced such things.
And even if the reader hasn’t experienced a loved one in rehab (I had a
loved one who never managed to get to rehab), you express your story in such a
way as to pull us into it with you. To
start with, I’ll say (as I sad in class) that I originally read this as an
unsettling experience with a church group’s religious observance. And I still really love and appreciate how
successful you were at paralleling the support group experience with that of religious
experience. First of all, it’s set in an
old church. Or at least what used to be
an old church. You have allusions to
people being “herded in like cattle” and being “a clone,” which I thought really
well illustrated the criticisms of some about what religion as doing / creates
in its congregants. This lack of
authenticity or individuality, the control exercised over the group, etc. Although, for those who are battling “monsters”
as you called them, this sort of structure and community can be really
helpful. You further develop this
parallel between rehab and religion with the scenes of “testimony” and
“stand[ing]” to clap, the whole room … thunder.” That was such a great line, btw. So evocative, and such original use of
simile. As I said in class, I grew up
Pentecostal, so I probably connected with that description more than most would. I also had brothers who never fully got into
it, so the concept of apprehension and discomfort with the whole process was
relatable as well…and I am sure that this can be similarly so for rehab support
meetings. At any rate, even if someone
had no prior knowledge of such
things, you made your own experience so powerfully accessible and relatable
that the reader can’t help but feel as if he/she is right there with you. We feel the feelings that you felt…the “wave
of comfort” when it was all over, etc.
The ending is really powerful, as well…the way you pitted your loving
but distanced reaction to dad against your sister’s highly emotional
reaction. “My sister wept and moaned.”…again,
such a great line. So concise yet so
evocative. The last lines further
establish this feeling of distance between the narrator (yourself) and the
recovered individual (dad), leaving us with the feeling that there was so much
more to be done to fix the wrongs in this situation than simply getting off the
bottle / substance.
All in
all, Chase, this was a well- crafted poem that really beautifully addressed the
lingering “stuff” that people must deal with with when they love a substance-addicted
individual. I think it is both
aesthetically pleasing, in terms of artic quality, but also practically valuable
in the sense of giving others who have had similar experiences a way of
relating to and processing through a really deep and complex topic. I think it was fantastic. Very good job!
Stephanie – “Do You Accept These Terms and Conditions?”
Stephanie,
as I said in class, what a GREAT topic you chose to address, here. I seriously had my daughter read this (she is
writing a report on addictive social media, and has since deleted all these
apps….so proud! Haha) Anyway, I really
loved how your verbiage and stanza construction created this (on one hand)
light and nostalgic tribute to the social sites you used to engage in—in a
really ordered sort of serial-style way—and yet (on the other hand) completely
pulled back the curtain on this ugly machine/creation of commercialism and
consumerism that is (in my opinion) eroding the true social fabric of our
society right now. Your wording “my
angriest and angstiest thoughts,” “inbox
of lovelorn whinging,” and so on, worked really well to highlight the not-so-pretty
stuff that media-addicted youth so often engage in, and then later regret. And the negative reciprocations, too—“comments
about the proportions of your body…thumbs down” …such a real and bracing
portrayal of the dark side of that cyber reality. As to the addictive aspect, “I’ll scroll this
page ‘for me’ until my tired hands bleed. I’ll memorize each song and dance
and do them till my feet go numb.”
Wow….that was so good. Very well
written. Finally, the media push for portrayal of an inauthentic self is well addressed
here, too: “Ring lights and mirrors and filter after dreaded filter - mayfair or clarendon?”
I know
I’m saying a lot of content-related things, Stephanie, but that’s because your
poetry is just so meaningful. I see it
as not JUST well written (it always is)—and this particulate poem was stellar
at convening the subject matter trough culturally / technologically appropriate
jargon, fresh and original use of language, etc—BUT even more so because the
topics you address are so incredibly meaningful. And the way that you relate the topics
addressed is so relatable and aesthetically appealing that you reach your
audience—you touch base, hard-core—and then you challenge them to examine themselves
in these contexts….and to challenge the industry, the power structure,
etc. Your poetry is good art AND it is a tool for provoking a closer examination of
(and hopefully action / change in) these vitally important issues. And again, I feel like you deserve applause
for that! Don’t stop writing!! You were meant for this!!!
Poem 3 Comments (by Paige)
Sabrina:
This poem has some beautiful imagery scattered about. I find
it fascinating. Your start is amazing with that opening: “What is it like
falling in love?” I also love the line “Falling for him was choosing to scream
in joy” because of the choice. Often in books and poetry we find love to be
something that catches you off guard, sweeps you off your feet unexpectedly.
The fact this poem tells the reader there was a choice makes it more
fascinating and unique. Stanza 3 is probably my favorite. Maybe that’s just because
I like puzzle analogies. But it’s also just a solid stanza that builds your
poem up. Your formatting is also admirable, with the stanzas stacked unevenly.
I’ve never seen that in poem (then again, I don’t read a lot of poems) so I
thought it was a nice touch. Overall, a beautiful poem about love.
Rachel:
The first three lines of your poem are remarkable. What an
introduction to the environment of the poem. The cardinal is also a nice touch.
What I especially love is how you describe it. When I see snow in poems, its
described as white perfection. Instead, what you have given to us is ivory
snow. A nice touch of realism that makes your writing more unique. The belief
that the snowy environment is a holy place, one that should not be disturbed,
is probably my favorite part of this poem. I can relate to that feeling. There’s an
element of peace on those winter days where the snow is gently falling and
covering the landscape in a white blanket of cold. Everything is quiet because
most animals are hibernating. The whole world is sleepy during winter. So
overall, a beautiful environment you describe for your poem. Your sequence of
events, from the wintery landscape to what I guess is a beach (since you talk
about the sun’s rays on the sea), is a sharp contrast. Almost between seasons
since we associate the beach with Summer. A blend between opposites that comes
together to form what is a satisfying poem to read.
Angeles:
What an interesting start to your poem. The specific number
of clothes the subject of the poem has is a realistic blend that makes the
subject more human. You give light to what I believe is an immigration
situation where the subject and their family has almost no money to provide for
themselves. It really stirs emotions within the reader, no matter what life
they live. It is a reminder that humans must be treated with dignity, no matter
where they come from or what they look like. Normally I am not a fan of poems
that stray towards a more political topic. However, this may be the first exception.
You do a good job of maintaining a balance between making good poetry and
reminding the readers of a current situation. So overall, a good poem that
holds up. Well done.
Stephanie:
The specificity of the year being 2010 is such a fascinating
touch to the beginning of your poem that sets the reader up for what is to
come. Already a few lines in, and we get an idea of the personality of the
subject of the poem. Someone who is a hopeless romantic. Something we have yet
to see someone write about in this class (according to my knowledge). There is
a certain vulnerability the subject has that is carefully illustrated in your
words. Particularly the scene where she met the boy in the college bar. But
this vulnerability takes a sharp turn in the year 2017, where the subject
decides to drink a cranberry vodka. The poem almost starts where it begins,
with the subject getting a drink. Although, there is a seven-year gap. The
contrast between drinks is, from what I understand, a symbol of the character’s
growth and perception on life. They started with a coffee they hoped was made
with love and ended with a vodka cranberry. Alcohol is usually a symbol of
people wanting to forget their pain, and I want to say that’s the case in this
poem as well. Your symbolism is fantastic, and your message is clear.
Quinn N:
Your start, as always, is fantastic. Instead of the usual
green grass, the reader is treated to yellow grass. It’s like a preview for the
mood the rest of your poem holds. I notice now reflecting on your other two
poems, you always keep it realistic. But the reality you present is so unique
that it pulls the readers in. You leave your readers desiring for more about
the worlds you paint with your words. The fall environment in your poem has a
few horror elements, such as the witch-burning pyre and mention of old bones
and a sacrificial ritual. With Halloween being a prominent season in Autumn, I
should expect nothing else. It’s always fascinating to take the perspective of
a child in any form of writing, whether it be poetry or fiction. But it’s more
fascinating when the child is more aware (example: “I remained alone, among
these old bones…”). Unless I’m 100% wrong and the subject of the poem is not a
child. I cannot remember what the class settled on or what you revealed. Either
way, excellent job!
Elyia:
First line, and I’m already hooked. Wow, what an opener. I
am in AWE. This poem is so beautifully painted with words. I honestly wish you
had been able to read your poem in class because reading it a couple times
still leaves me wondering what the plot is. Maybe there isn’t a plot. Maybe
it’s a series of thoughts. Or the plot is so complex. Or its about a guy and
how he makes you feel. I’m not sure. I’m spit balling ideas. I’m down for any
of them. I don’t really have critiques… or things to say. I’m just really in
awe of this poem. So well done. You’ve made me speechless.
*
Gabrielle's Critiques
Sydney’s
Poem, “I Laid Under a Violet Sky”
Sydney,
I
really love the simplicity of the poem that you wrote. I feel like it is so
eloquently written, and really paints an image in my mind every time I’ve read
through it. It honestly takes me back to my childhood days of living in South
Bend, taking in the sights and sounds of the rural environment I lived in. With
that being said, I love how easy it was for me to relate to this poem - I feel
like you perfectly portrayed what an Indiana summer night entails. As far as
structure goes, I really liked the route you took in regards to the differing
lengths of sentences. It was so nice to read such long, flowing lines that then
lead into a simple, short line that kind of pulled everything together. Like I
previously mentioned, this was truly beautifully written and I think that’s
largely in part of the language that you decided to utilize as well, with words
such as “serene” and “tranquil.” All in all, you wrote an amazing poem, per
usual, and I really enjoyed reading it!
Angeles’ Poem, “Human”
Angeles,
Wow!
This poem was easily one of my favorites that I’ve read so far. It’s truly
incredible how raw and real this poem is. You portrayed such a heartbreaking
story in such a beautiful way and I commend you for that. When reading through
this, I honestly did not want it to end...I wanted to continue to hear more
about the story because you truly pulled me in and caught my attention from
beginning to end. The poem started out much more light-hearted and as it
continued, I feel like the emotion slowly but surely began to pour out with
such a huge breakthrough shining through at the end. The language you utilized
and the memories shared made me feel as though I was receiving a personal look
into the life of the narrator. Although I cannot personally relate to the story,
it formed this overwhelming sense of empathy within me where I began to imagine
being in this person’s shoes and how awful that must have been. What a
beautiful and emotional poem you wrote...I loved it so much!
Blake’s Poem, “Call to the Void”
Blake,
Your poem is so unique and brings such a cool flavor and personality to the typical, slower, more emotional poems we have read in class. I think my favorite part about it was all of the alliteration you utilized throughout! For me personally, using that element made me excited to continue reading your writing to see what fun sentence would be waiting in the next line! I also really enjoyed how from the beginning of the poem to the middle, there was this build up of intensity that continued to grow until we reached the climax. The poem then ended on a simple, lighter note which I think worked great in terms of keeping the intensity contained in the middle of the poem. Your writing is always so creative and keeps me guessing; continuously being unpredictable is awesome because I always know I’m in for a wild ride when I get to hear/read your writing. Great job!
Rachel’s Poem, “Awakening”
Rachel,
Your poem is simply beautiful. In my opinion, it perfectly describes the feeling of waking up to the first snow and all its glory. From beginning to end, you captured my attention through the elegant language utilized and the lines that flowed so perfectly into one another. The simplicity of the beginning of the poem flowing into the innocence of childhood that then ended with a beautiful depiction of winter turning to spring was marvelous. I always love reading your poems for their elegance and maturity and this poem in particular definitely did not disappoint! As far as structure goes, I like how you kept the lines to a smaller length, while still delivering the perfect amount of language needed to keep the poem flowing perfectly. Reading this really made me excited for the winter months that are quickly approaching, and reminded me of the peace and tranquility that arises as a result of snow. I honestly did not want this poem to end - you did a wonderful job!
McGwire’s Poem, “Truth & Fear”
McGwire,
I really enjoyed reading your poem. I feel like throughout the entirety of it, there was a very large presence of tension and anxiety. Your writing very accurately depicted the scariness that not only surrounds the death of humans, but also the death of the environment. I thought that your writing was very unique in comparison to the other poems we heard which made it very memorable for me. I love all of the figurative language you incorporated into your writing and the way the lines transitioned into one another so seamlessly. I also appreciated how unpredictable the language and ideas you presented were. This poem reminded me greatly of my own anxious nature and how much I worry and think about things. For that reason, I feel like this poem was easy for me to relate to in the sense that this is exactly how my mind wanders when I’m having some sort of anxious episode. I think that your writing here was very powerful and caused me to really think about the bridge between life and death. In particular, I really loved the last line for some reason: “Only to be surrounded by suits.” It was a very blunt way to explain the harsh reality of what death entails in terms of a funeral...or at least I think that was what you were going for? Nonetheless I really liked this poem and have honestly enjoyed reading all of your poems so far. Great job!
Chase’s Poem, “Gone North”
Chase,
I
think this poem is wonderful. It painted such a clear image in my mind and made
me feel as though I was there witnessing this happen while reading. There was a
very somber/emotional tone throughout the entirety of the piece, and I could
easily pick up on the hostile nature of the narrator as they were going through
this situation. I think that the word choice you utilized was absolutely
perfect and the variation among punctuation and sentence length you used was
great, as well. Overall, I feel like this piece was so emotional, to the point
that I was invading your privacy by reading it...I really liked that aspect of
your writing. It was very vulnerable of you to open up and write about an
experience such as this, but it made for such an excellent piece of writing. I
especially liked the difference between the mood in the first half as opposed
to the second. There were a lot of uncertain and uncomfortable emotions in the
beginning, and a lot of emptiness and disappearance of emotion towards the end.
The narrator shifted from being overwhelmed to the ending that stated,
“everything had changed, yet we had nothing to talk about.” I think this was
the perfect way to conclude this poem and emphasized how uncomfortable of a
situation this was for the narrator. Great job on this poem!
Sabrina's reviews
Poem
4 (Sonnet) Critiques
“As Old As Time” by Dana
I think this poem is so clever! Although
never explicitly stated, the title and the content of this poem help give
context that our speaker is at Disneyland/world. Magic on Earth! I have never been to Disney(anything), but fun side
note (skip this sentence if you don’t care): when I was a small child, my
parents left me with a nanny in Germany and went to Disney Paris without me,
which is just cruel on so many levels! Back to you. I loved the imagery in
this, and I can practically see the awe on the speaker’s face as they walk
through the literal land of children’s dreams. I especially loved the Ariel
quote, “I want to be where the people are”. I think you really flowed in this
poem, and as a reader I appreciate that. I also lined the line lengths, which you
kept pretty consistent throughout the poem. Wonderful job! :)
“Paradise Lost” by Rachel
Was this based on John Milton’s story?
Because that is one of my favorite stories. But onto your poem! I liked the
format of this - it was very aesthetically pleasing to the eye, because the
lines were very symmetrical. I also loved the imagery in this, which you used
excessively and well (“Warm patches of light danced on the skin and kissed
blinking eyes” was beautiful). But from the beginning to end, you have the reader's
attention. There is so much detail, and longing, in this poem: “I was barefoot,
and I was running through tall grass, laughing. (So, not like now.)” is such a
perfect example of imagery and longing in passing. The ending was also
wonderful, where you say “You don’t see me hanging on to the good guys in real
time”, which makes the reader assume that the speaker of this poem wishes they
were falling for the ‘good’ guys in the world (but really, are there actually
any ‘good’ guys?), and instead only dream of this because bad habits stay bad
habits until you break them. Wonderful job, Rachel, I think you employed a lot
of beautiful aspects into this poem and it’s been lovely seeing your writing
grow thus far.
“White Flag” by Sydney
I liked that this poem reminded me of the
beginning of a movie. I think this poem's overall look is aesthetically
pleasing to the eye, and I think the poems’ title is clever. Although there was
no ‘clever’ language in this, you told a story while also keeping the poetic
prose. I think with this poem, there is not enough information - somewhere. It
could be that we don’t understand what he is looking for - os the cure money, a
doctor, something else? And how does he know he will find it on this island? I
think there are tiny loose ends in this poem that, together, make a somewhat
unfulfilled feeling to the poem. However, I liked the story it was telling, and
the surprise little end of it with the dragon (as someone who loves dragons, it
made me laugh when the poem said “Until a dragon bit his head off and he passed
away!”, which I found oddly hilarious). I also like that, as a story, you ended
your poem with someone essentially saying: ‘I’ve told you the story, now you
kids leave me alone!’, which I thought was a clever end to this poem. Wonderful
job, Sydney!
“Escaping the Waltz” by Paige
This poem reminds me of a couple of things.
The first thing is, the phrase ‘people dance around _____’, which in this case
is potentially… the second thing, a toxic love, one that the narrator feels
stuck in. It doesn’t necessarily have to be romantic, because as all of us
young ones know, toxic love comes in the form of romantic, platonic, familial,
and friendly. And I like that I don’t necessarily know which one this might be
about. It leans most towards romance, but growing up at the cusp of Millennials
and Generation Z, let’s just say I’ve learned not to assume. Although the form
is not as aesthetically pleasing, the wording makes up for it at the end. I
think this poem is really smooth, and uses imagery in a creative way to not
only help the reader see what is metaphorically going on, but also how the
speaker in your poem is feeling. I also particularly loved the line “But what
if [love] is a choice? One that takes to people to make,” which I thought was a
really beautiful way to phrase the idea that love should not be forced. I think
this is truly wonderful, Paige. Great job!
“Keyboard Smiles” by Amanda
Personally I hate Tinder, for every reason
you highlighted in your ~double~ sonnet. But let’s get onto your writing. I
think this is a very modern piece of work, and one that, if read 100 years into
the future, would be hilarious to explain to the kids of 2120. And I think you
captured the idea of Tinder perfectly. Especially the line in the first
section, “One hundred and seventy six potential lovers. While it seems like so
much, why didn’t I match with others?” The ironic truth of this honestly made
me laugh: we have so many options, but they aren’t enough. In the second
section, there was a line that really spoke to me: “You can’t find your heart
in the body of a lonely boy, it’s like searching for your heart inside a void”.
I thought that, paired with the idea that seven pictures can’t possibly capture
the idea of who you are (and, thus, who they are, either), was a great pairing
in your second section. It was also very real: it’s hard to find love online,
on dating apps. Everyone looks for love, but when presented with the option
everyone likes to play around. Which leads me to the hilarious line you
inserted in this same second part of the sonnet, where you said: “I wish I
understood the mystery of Tinder, I wish more that I could give it the middle
finger”. If that isn’t the truth plain as day, I don’t know what is. I think
this poem was very clever, very real, and very aesthetically pleasing to the
eye. Thank you for also making it humorous, in some sections. Absolutely
beautiful job, Amanda!
“Out of Touch” by Nora
I thought the image was one DDL inserted,
but when we discussed in class he actually asked you why the picture was there. I think it’s really cool that you
inserted that image for reference for the readers, as well as wrote a whole
poem based off of this photo! Anyway, like Amanda’s poem, I think that this is
the type of poem that if read in 100 years to the kids of 2120, they would be
amazed at the content. Most likely, technology won’t be as big of a problem in
100 years, and the idea of spending time with someone off the web wouldn’t be
such a big deal. But today, as it stands, I know how harsh it is to be so close
and yet so far from people due to technology (which can go both ways: I am
close in proximity but far in relations, or close in relation but far in
proximity). I think you brought up a wonderful modern issue in your poem, as
well as formatting it in an elegant way. I normally and opposed to centered
poems like this, but I do like the effect this has, like it’s building up on
one another. I also really liked the imagery you had in here: “I noticed how
the glow from their addiction lit up their faces”, “fold your hands to stop
them from reaching for your addiction”, and “you can look away, but this world
stays within you no matter where you are” are just examples of this. You use a
lot of imagery where the reader can see both the physical action as well as the
mental fight that goes with it. I also normally dislike every line starting
with a capital letter, because I find it brings an unnecessary pause to the
reading, but I think it flows really well in this poem (although I would be
aware of that for future poems: you or someone else should read the poem out
loud and see if the capitalization brings any unnecessary pausing). This is a
really wonderful poem, Nora!
Poem 2 Critiques
“Bruised Fruits” by Paige
I really liked the detail in this! I also like the sudden turn to anger
with the ‘her’, particularly when you said “What I thought was my haven became
hers instead. That do-good brat, serving so-called justice”. I also liked a line that came in the following
couplet, which said “Anger was better at control than me”. I think this line in particular hit like a
punch in the face, and I loved that; it felt so real. But what really hit was the last line, and the amount of
anger that protruded from the line was impeccable: “To tear her apart as she
had done with me”. I think, in this poem, it would have been better with more
detail of what the ‘her’ had done (sorry if I missed it). I think it leaves the
reader a little more confused than they need to be at the end of the poem,
asking maybe too many questions. However, I like the emotions that are present
in this poem, and how well you represented that in this poem. It was really
well done, Paige!
“Religion, Alcohol, and Some Paints” by Amanda
First of all, love the Oxford Comma in the title. And now onto the poem.
This poem makes me feel like I am on drugs. I always try to put myself into the
poem fully, and I felt like I was very drugged and laying flat on a hospital
bed. I loved it, really loved it. And you have so many strong lines in this
poem, but I think my favorite is “God wants me sober but I want me happy”. I
think this is such a strong poem, and I enjoyed the imagery and the fast-pace
way this feels. I feel the confusion in this poem, the anxiety and the fear as
well. I think it’s a truly great poem, and I loved the way you had your speaker
fight themselves about religion.
“Emerald Eyes” by Sydney
I really liked the fact that there was this immediate sense of
adoration, but in a scared type of way, when a reader begins your poem. I
imagine this is the same way someone religious would act if they ever saw their
God(ess) come down and greet them. I also liked the use of the word ‘amphora’,
which is something I had to look up, but it helped with the visual of the poem.
You are very good at creating imagery in your poems, which I appreciate a lot
as well. I think this poem is lacking punctuation, which I think would help
with natural pauses, and I also think this poem is a little confusing at the
end, at least for me. You called the mystery woman a temptress of sin, which I
do think relates to her question “what do you most desire?”, but I think
calling her a tempress of sin without clarifying the sin in question is
slightly confusing for me.
“Black Ice” by Elyia
You have beautiful poetry, and a beautiful way of words. I like this
poem a lot, but I do have one critique of the poem: the length of your lines in
the couplets. I think it would be more beneficial to have the lines the same
length, because the formatting of this automatically looks confusing (from a
readers point of view). I think there was a lot to be said, and if formatted
better would have been the perfect
poem! Because the content is amazing, and your ending was beautiful:
“...reminded me that I can’t just tame people”. A very real reminder, thank you
for that. I love the poem, however!
“Searching for Diamonds” by Rachel
This poem reminds me of how English Teachers try to make meaning of an
aspect of a book that has no meaning at all (ex: “This red slipper is not
actually a slipper, but it is ____”). Except, in this, our speaker is trying to
find meaning in art that has no meaning at all. And I loved the ties you had
between two different things: the first five couplets about art, the abstraction
that finds meaning in nothing, and the last two couplets about the ugliness of
art: “I believed I’d find [diamonds], if I looked hard enough. But they were
only ever rocks”. For me, personally, I took this as a way we try to find
meaning in things that have no meaning at all. I liked this poem a lot,
especially the way you formatted the last couplet. I also liked the quotation,
and how it took up three couplets. Although it seemed strung together, you
separated it perfectly which I appreciated a lot. Good job!
“The Shift” by Nora
The immediate thing that caught my attention was the formatting. This
could have just been an error between copying and pasting, but just in case: as
couplets, there should be two lines, a space, and two more lines. But that is
it on formatting! In this poem, I feel that there is a toxicity to the
speaker's mind. The way I read it and understood it (I apologize if I am
wrong), the speaker is scared to divulge into something that could be good for
them because of the trauma from their past. And it’s heartbreaking, honestly,
because this is a real and everyday obstacle people deal with. “I’m losing my
present; I can’t stop the scene he’s depicted” was such a real line. A really
wonderful job, Nora, I really enjoyed this poem.
“The Visit” by Dana
What a wonderful poem. We talked about this in class, but this is
definitely something that needs to be listened to in order to fully grasp the
context (great job reading in class, by the way!). I normally don’t enjoy rhyming in poems, but
I really liked it in yours, and appreciated it. It was ‘soft’ rhyming, not
necessarily there for every line but enough to make you notice it. You tied
together the story and the rhyming very well, however, and the rhyming didn’t
seem to get in the way of the story you were telling in the poem. I really
enjoyed this poem, Dana, and I look forward to your future writing. You tied
everything together very well, even though it seemed to be a lot of random
information, it all fit together.
Poem 3 Critiques
“Sexualization of Antidepressants” by Amanda
As someone who used to take antidepressants, I understood this poem a
bit too well. I really liked this poem (it might be my favorite one?), and I
can relate to it well. I think the way you depicted the actions was immaculate,
as a need and addiction. The addiction isn’t like it is with hard drugs though,
because antidepressants try to make you feel more normal, and that’s a lovely
feeling. But I love the need you depict on the dependency of a small pill, and
the anticipation for when you get it next. I really enjoyed this poem! I also
liked the way you only added commas to this poem, and not periods; I think that
helped show the rushed need of the antidepressant. Wonderful job, Amanda!
“Ok, Spaceman” by Elyria
As usual, you have wonderful poetry. I liked the way this was strung
together and not separated; it reads as a story, but it is obviously poetry. I
particularly liked the middle-end, where you wrote “I couldn’t afford to break
a speed limit, but I could break this atmospheric chain with my teeth. He couldn’t
feed himself but he could grow a garden from his bones,”. There was such a
strong feeling emulated from this, and from our speaker. I liked the ties
between space, the immortality of it, and our own mortality on earth. This poem
reminds me of a very epic idea for a Movie. Wonderful job, Li!
“I laid under a violet sky” by Sydney
I really like the personal details of this poem (“on the outskirts of
the city of South Bend, my hometown” is an assumed personal detail). I think
this poem flows, but I think it would flow better both when reading and just
visually if you had evened out the lines a little bit. You have some really
long lines, and some really short onsen, but I think it would benefit the poem
to format it more evenly. I don’t think it takes away from the value of the
poem, though! I just think it would add a
certain value to it. I liked the aspect of your speaker having a daydream kind
of moment, and especially towards the end where you wrote “things aren’t so bad
as they are”. I do think this is worded awkwardly (things aren’t as bad
as they are, possibly?), but the effect is still the same and a nice reminder
for the reader. Good job, Sydney!
“Awakening” by Rachel
To start, I loved the way you described snow. I thought it was a
romantic description and added a touch of Hallmark romance to the scene of
snow. I especially liked the line towards the middle: “It felt like sin to
disturb [the snow], really - beauty of the untouched, her perfect silence -
like desecration of a holy space”, which I thought was a beautiful way to
describe the blank slate of fresh snow. But as a whole, I loved the
romanticization of snow, and how you personified winter and spring. I normally
used feminine pronouns for weather, because in my mind it seems fitting. But
the way you described how winter was ready to shed her robes for spring’s touch
- his touch - was beautiful. I really
adored this poem, and I think that the writing here is absolutely beautiful.
Wonderful job, Rachel.
“My senses were invaded…” by Nora
I really loved this poem! And your ending was amazing. I liked how you
had conversation in this poem, used two languages (although the Spanish was
minor, it was definitely impactful), and told an impeccable story about the
haze of alcohol and awareness that can come with it. I think, for me, I read
this poem as the alcohol helped give a confidence to the speaker
“Adolescents” by Dana
I like the idea of this poem, but I think the impact of it gets lost on
me. I think there is a lot of lacking punctuation, and when I read it out loud
it feels strange. I also think it might be because every line has a capital
letter, so I am pausing in places I shouldn’t be pausing in because it makes me
think there is a new sentence structure instead of a continuous one. That being
said, I like the idea! As someone who has constantly cared for kids, even when
I was a kid myself, I totally get the message this is trying to get acrossed. I
mean, I’ve lived this story (in my own right and way). And I think with correct
formatting and punctuation, this could be an exceptional poem! (Not to say it
isn’t a good poem, because I truly think it is). I also liked the transitions
you had in this poem, and how smooth they seemed to me. Good job!
“I Accidentally Left Innocence on Read” by Paige
I think the writing in this poem is exquisite. I love the way you
transitioned time periods flawlessly, and you used imagery to help with
surroundings. You also described feelings in such a casual way, even though it
was much deeper than that. “Passion was the process of being engulfed” which
was a great way of describing how passion can feel in real life. And “Eyes
cannot deliver sweet lies. Say one thing, look the other way” was such a
beautiful truth. I like how you referred to your space, because it was relevant
in the story the speaker was trying to tell, but also because you don’t just
mention it once; you mention it at the beginning and at the end. I think this
was an amazing poem, and you did such a wonderful job with your writing. Thank
you for sharing this :)
Amanda's reviews
Quinn N., Elyia,
Kassaundra, Gabrielle, Blake, Nora, Rachel
Gabrielle’s Sweet Disposition
I think this is a great heartfelt poem.
I’m typically not a fan of romantic poetry, but, I really enjoy the way you
wrote this. There was plenty of imagery, setting, sound, structure, etc. I
won’t deny that it’s a great poem, the only thing is that I wish it had more
“umph.” (If that even makes sense???). I loved how it went from a romantic
evening to suddenly worrying about wolves, I wish you ran with that more
because then the rest of the poem consisted of a long car ride. The first few
lines really reeled me in, from how personal the stars are for these
characters, the romantic tension, to wolves, then the car ride. Over half of
the poem was this car ride, and while it was written well, I wish I could’ve
gotten more.
Li’s Ok, Spaceman
You
are such a creative, you have to be right brain dominant. I might be biased
towards my love for this poem because of the sci-fi feel for it, but I don't
care!!! The start is awesome “So this genius…” and really sets the tone for the
poem. The imagery is also amazing, I love the addition of flowers towards the
end. There’s nothing I’d change about this poem, I’d make it into a whole novel
if I could. I especially value how your writing is overall heavy, and I mean
that well! You create a whole storyline for us with such strange language, but
you do it in a way that is really fun to read.
Kassie’s Wonderful days
Kassie,
I really like the title. Without reading it, I get this sense of nostalgia. It
feels very Bob Ross, it’s comforting in that sense. I have a couple favorite
lines, one being, “It was the season when things died, so I suppose/it was
fitting that we died then too.” This means it was the season of fall, then
towards the end you confirm that by talking about autumn. Another line was “The
waiter asked if we needed anything. You said time./You always needed more time.” I like how this line is a perfect way of
writing an annoying moment. You didn’t say “it’s annoying how long it took him
to make up his mind” but the way you wrote this created the same idea. I think
you did a great job of writing about how you know when a relationship is close
to its end. Very good :)
Blake’s Call to the Void
I
definitely had to read this a couple of times to get a grasp on it. You
delivered this really well and did exactly what the professor asked of you. I
think it’s so interesting how you created this weird fantasy, almost like being
high, then ended it on “I go to bed. I do not answer the call.” While I was
upset that the poem ended on that note rather than some sort of continuation of
this “high moment,” I think that’s a great conclusion. I do hate when writers
do that! I think I just get too caught up in it, I have to remember it’s not
REAL, it’s fiction… I think it’s great.
Nora’s My senses were invaded…
Nora,
I especially love your last lines, “How many other relationships did I
allow/boundaries to neglect ?” This is actually something I find myself
struggling with too, a language barrier. I’m taking Spanish right now, but I
wish I knew every language. I hate the fact that there’s some people I can’t
communicate with. You eradicated this idea into writing by saying “without language I was still able
to connect.” I think this is a really interesting thing to write about, a poem
disregarding the need for language. Ironic!
Rachel’s Awakening
I
think the imagery you created in this poem is amazing. What’s great about this
class is that the writing is always up for interpretation. I think especially
with your piece here. There’s no obviousness to what you’re writing about, and
when poets do that, it becomes more personal for the reader as well. I don’t
think there’s anything you should change about this, it feels like a piece of
poetry I’ve read for class before. Very professional and well done.
Quinn N’s Weird Autumn
Quinn,
I think you do a great job of creating your own ideas based on universal
thoughts. This poem is about the start of fall, something I’m familiar with.
But you write it with such a personal touch. I especially like how you played
with the structure of this poem. The lines stretch out, back in, then out
again. I think it’s really cool how you play with this idea, and it’s something
I need to work on more.
Gabrielle,
I instantly loved this story just by the title, “The Most Important Meal of the Day”. This is such a relatable scene where everything is overwhelming in the kitchen as everyone tries to get ready and people are yelling over one another. The emotion is very clear and it’s easy to sympathize with the mother and her child as they try to comfort her. There’s some cute aspects where they laugh over little things like the cinnamon rolls that bring back the heartwarming feeling that proves it’s a good family. It’s bittersweet in all the right ways and truly brings me into this person's life. Even the little details like when the character tells the time, make this such a great story. Overall, the word choice, tone, and dialogue made this such a fun read.
Blake,
This story was really fun to read because it reminded me of a futuristic war like something from the “Hunger Games” or “The 100”. The scared emotions all of the characters are feeling are portrayed very vividly and I feel especially bad for the little boy who’s crying for his mom. I also thought there was a good separation between the thought from the past and the current situation. There were a couple parts where I was mentally bombarded with all the questions and dialogue which gave a strong insite to the way the character was feeling. I also appreciated the first person way of writing because it truly brought me into the active scene. Even though the main character isn’t described in much detail, I could easily picture them as a strong authority figure because of how the other characters look to them for help. Overall, it was really neat and I’d like to see what else was about to happen.
Poem 4 Analyzations
Quinn N,
I really liked this title, it could almost be a line in the poem itself. This poem had some very gorey lines that talked about death which I found interesting, the rawness of it really brings the reader into the setting. The line “My chest is a paper bag” was a really strong use of figurative language and it provoked emotion because I was able to feel the emptiness of the main character. Reading this felt so bizarre because some of it seemed like a date taking place in a car, and some of it felt like a story about someone dropping a bag of groceries. I enjoyed how open to interpretation it is and I think it allowed for the emotion to be the most prominent aspect of the poem.
Stephanie,
I thought this poem was really heartfelt, and something that many people my age can probably relate to, especially with the issues surrounding social media which are instantly identifiable, just from reading the title. I thought the line “God knows Instagram won’t have me.” was really strong because it shows how body dysphoria is created from the things that are portrayed as “acceptable”. This poem is sad, yet angry and lonely. I like that some things are left unknown like the exact issues going on with friends and others’ posts, yet it gives enough information that I can sympathize with the main character. This poem has some vivid figurative language as well, my favorite was about the bleeding hands; it really added to the stress put on this person by the media. Overall, I enjoyed this poem and thought it was a deep topic.
Chase,
This poem is very unique, the tone is very gloomy, especially for a poem about a church, but it really brings out the setting and the way the characters were feeling. I like the song you chose to highlight because as someone who has heard that song, I think it connects to the mood you’re portraying very strongly. The uses of metaphors and similes are very strong and the dialogue is really impactful to the scene where they’re meeting a family member, possibly their father? I was a little confused by some aspects of the storyline, but I suppose any good poem is somewhat open to interpretation. My favorite line was “Men and women took turns giving testimony about their monsters” because of the use of the word “monsters” and how impactful it was. The tension you were able to create throughout was so strong and I give you props for that.
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